I’ve been the victim to uncontrollable laughter lately. The back and forth banter between my friends is so funny, I can hardly write it down fast enough! But I did capture a few snippets here and there, and was brought back to my college days, when I carried a small, bronze-colored notebook and wrote down humorous quotes as I heard them.

Once people caught on to what I was doing, they desperately tried to put their words on my pages. They’d quip something, anything really, then give me a side glance and say, “that was funny – write that down!” But I was the ultimate judge. I only write down what I think is funny. But honestly, it doesn’t take much to make me laugh. And thankfully, most people agree with my humor, which is why I’m sharing the latest with you here!

*Please note that if I include myself in a quote or dialogue, it is because I am assisting the “funny part” of the quote, or the punchline, if you will. I don’t laugh at my own words, why, that would just be ridiculous! :)

April 2011 Quotable Quotes!

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“Tempura lobster roll, $12?? I’m gonna have to put that one on credit.”
-Austin, eyeing the sushi menu at Sakura, Lancaster, PA
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Whilst sitting at a round booth at the new Marriott in Lancaster city, Liz, a former personal trainer, eyes the muscles on Austin, an avid biker.
Liz (to Austin): “Oooh, is this your quad???”
Austin (awkwardly): “That’s one of the four, yes…”
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Later on, we discuss a smartphone app, very similar to Scrabble, which has become the latest obsession of some of the people sitting at the table.
Andi: “The only thing I don’t like about it is the fact that you have to supply your own U for the Qs. In Scrabble, they always have the U built in!”
Pieter: “Well this isn’t Scrabble! This is ‘Words with Friends… Free.’”
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On a relaxing day off, Tara and Andi are sitting on their respective couches, netbooks in laps. Tara is most likely doing work, but Andi is filling out entry forms for multiple sweepstakes – everything from winning a free cruise to a year’s supply of orange juice. As usual, both girls start to speak in odd voices… a subconscious behavior that overtakes certain people when they get together. In fact, it happens to Andi quite often. In this particular incident, both girls were speaking as Valley Girls.

Andi, monologuing in a Valley Girl voice: “I may not have a job, but I’m applying for sooo many sweepstakes. And when I start winning them all, the stuff I win is gonna be worth way more than what I would earn working. I mean, this mixer is worth $300!”

Tara: “Yeah, and like, who wouldn’t want free juice??”

(Case in point, both girls start laughing at the absurdity of Andi’s actions.)
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Andi meets up with Mickey and Amanda at The Ugly Mug. Poor Mickey was so busy with work earlier that day, he hadn’t had anything to eat since a pop tart in the morning.

Andi: “Oooh, the tater tots look kinda good…”
Amanda: “I had tater tots for lunch.”
Mickey: “I had ANGER for lunch.”
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During happy hour at Tortilla Coast, Andi discusses Dan’s occupation as a pedicab driver.

Andi: So, you drive a pedicab – that’s what you do?
Dan: That’s ALL I do. I’ve been doing it for a year!
Andi: So what do you do on rainy days?
Dan (bluntly): I don’t work.
Andi (laughing): I think you’ll fit in with our crew just fine!
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Back at The Ugly Mug, Andi describes an email she received from a company post-interview, where they decided as a follow-up question, they wanted to know about her special interests and unique skills. She then goes on to talk about her new bike.

Andi: “I named her Arcadia. It just seemed to fit. She’s sky blue, bright and cheerful looking… and I knew a girl once named Arcadia.”
Mickey: “And what’s the name of your car? Isn’t it, Camille, or something like that?”
Andi: “Winona. People think it’s weird that I name my methods of transportation, but I think it makes perfect sense!”
Mickey: “Did you put that under ‘unique skills?’ ‘Naming Inanimate Objects.’”
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With April 18th having just passed, the subject of taxes inadvertently comes up.

Mickey: “I do my own taxes every year. I’ve been audited twice. One of the times, they even owed me money! When I bought a house, I told them they owed me 10 grand, so of course they audited me. They came and audited me… and then they gave me my 10 G’s. And then, I bought GRANITE.”
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That’s all for now – enjoy! And beware that if you hang out with me, you may end up on the Quote Page! Whether you like it or not ;) Mom, that goes for you too! (My mother remains the original inspiration for, and the top quoter of, all my quote books. I hope to one day say half of the funny things she does!)

Until next time,
ANB